There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
