Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
