All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
