the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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