I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
