First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
