what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just threw up on my dentist
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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