wat bout pragnant strippers??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
