paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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