Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
