I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
