My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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