So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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