This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
