Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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