i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
