I skipped work to stalk him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
