i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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