I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
