similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
