I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so let's talk penis.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
