i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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