The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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