I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
