The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
