No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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