I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
