He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
