Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
