btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
