I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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