VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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