Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
