he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
