I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
