i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
