No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
