Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
