My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
