he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
