I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
