I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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