Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
