Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
