i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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