I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
