Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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