OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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