I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
