My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
