oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
