I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Less talking, more tequila
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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