I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
