I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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