i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I smell stomach acid.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
